2024 Updates

Hello and welcome back to my blog.

Sorry for the super long delay. First, my husband needed to use my computer for over a month back in September/October. Then we didn't have internet for about another month or more. By then we were approaching the end of the year and the holidays. I was in the third trimester of pregnancy which brought back some of my nausea and left me generally exhausted. Work continued to kick my butt. We were trying to prepare for the baby. We took in a stray kitten in August and adopted two new rats in October (I was supposed to wait until after the baby, but they needed a home! I couldn't say no). It was just a crazy time.

Our son was due on January 17th 2024, but decided to come early. My water broke a little before 9am on December 24th, 2023 and Gabriel was born at 10:17am. And then we had this little baby to care for which was new and scary.

Being a parent is probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I think I have started to get the hang of some of it, but it is exhausting and challenging. It is impossible to keep up with everything, but I am trying my best. And there are wonderful things about having this little one. And I love that he is a baby and mom is still able to fix everything and make him feel better. He's starting to smile and make intentional noises, which is adorable and makes me immensely happy.

My anxiety has been way up high. I want to make sure that Gabriel is getting cared for and that chores are getting done. I am also not getting much sleep, which always spikes my anxiety. And I am not back at work yet, but there have been changes made there that are very much against me and against my advancement. That has been discouraging, frustrating, and has also increased my anxiety. If I wasn't on anxiety medication, I would be having panic attacks about going back. I figure that isn't a great way to feel about my place of employment, which has been discouraging. I have been missing my work friends, though, and I am looking forward to seeing them and getting back in the lab.

I am trying to enjoy the rest of my time off. Obviously it is heavily spent on caring for Gabriel and doing the never ending dishes and laundry that come with that. Luckily for me, Kevin helps where he can and has kept up with many of the household chores so I don't have to worry so much about those.

I have been going to counseling for a while now, mostly to deal with work anxiety, but we have been covering a lot of things surrounding parenthood now, of course.

I fell off of the journaling bandwagon last year and decided I wanted to get back at it this year. I needed a way to simplify it to make it easier for me to keep up with. But I also wanted it to be more fun and interactive so it felt less like a chore. That has been really nice so far. And I have started including different things that I never did before, like vision boards, inspirations and aspirations, and other notes that come in handy. I am trying to keep track of things that are important and trying to help myself since I have all of these big things going on. It has been really nice so far and I may make a little blog post about what I am doing and why.

I have still been reading, but these days it is easier to get through audiobooks than physical ones. And because of my anxiety it has mostly been re-reading. But I did join a group read through the Owlcrate Nest app for the January book. That has helped me stay on track, even though I haven't participated in the discussions (I do still read through the questions and some of the things other people post). Between that and my journal, I have had something else to focus time and energy on in the times I get a break.

I haven't decided what this blog will look like moving forward. I'd like to still post about the books I read each month, but it can be very time-consuming. I will likely need to simplify what I have been doing. Maybe post two months at a time and stop reviewing re-reads. Which probably means it would be a good idea to go through my blog and update tags to include book titles in case anyone (or I) want to go back to those book reviews. That will be a bit of a long term project, but I will see if I can do that.

I have a couple other posts started, one is a disease post and one is sort of about Gabriel. I have made it a goal to pick back up on my blog, but it might take a little time for me to figure out what it will look like. I hope you will bear with me.

Meanwhile, here are the books I read in January and February this year:

 

The Lost Hero by 

Rick Riordan

4 stars out of 5 stars

Re-read

Red White and Royal Blue

by Casey McQuiston

4 stars out of 5 stars

Re-read

 

 

 The Fablehaven Series

by Brandon Mull

5 stars out of 5 stars

Re-read

 

Charmed Life and the Lives of Christopher Chant

by Diana Wynne Jones

4 stars out of 5 stars

Re-read

 

The Foxhole Court and the Raven King

by Nora Sakavic

4 stars out of 5 stars

Re-read

The Jungle Book

by Rudyard Kipling

Synopsis/Thoughts: This is the traditional Jungle Book that most people are familiar with. This version is a full cast podcast read of the Jungle Book stories. I had never read them before, so it was a fun, quick read. I won't lie though, I spent much of the time trying to figure out how all of the characters and stories were represented in the Graveyard Book.

Rating: 3 stars out of 5 stars

 

 

A Fragile Enchantment

by Allison Saft

Synopsis/Thoughts: This is a fairy tale of a girl, Niamh, brought to a palace as a royal tailor for the younger prince's upcoming wedding. And in normal fairy tale fashion, the two fall in love despite the prince's engagement and Niamh's common-born status. This was an enjoyable read. I liked a lot of the characters (and I liked Sinclair, but I don't feel that other people liked him as much) and I liked the magic (especially Niamh's). This was an Owlcrate book and I sort of participated in a read-a-long through the Owlcrate Nest app.

Rating: 4 stars out of 5 stars

I have read 13 books towards my goal of 75.

Sorry for the Radio Silence...

Hello!

No, I haven't forgotten that I have a blog that needs work to keep running. My life got kind of silly and crazy for a while there. Most of it isn't super important, but I had several things that I needed to work on. Plus my old computer died and I didn't have the means to replace it for a while. It is really difficult to update this blog from my phone, so I had to wait a bit.

But I apparently was experiencing pretty bad anxiety. I didn't realize how much it was crippling me until I started seeing a doctor and got on some medication that works. It's an amazing relief to me that I feel able to handle life now.

Plus, I spent most of the time since my last update caring for Sprite, my heart rat. She was special needs and required lots of extra care, vet appointments, medications, and so forth closer to the end of her life. She lived a good long time, but I was heartbroken when it came time to put her down. She was very special to me and took up an awful lot of my time and energy (and an awful lot of space in my heart).

I also began a new relationship nearly two years ago and that has changed a bunch of things for me, definitely for the positive. In short, he treats me better than I ever thought I deserved to be treated and he makes me feel like a priority and never like a chore. It's been amazing and I have needed time to adjust to it and explore what a healthier relationship is supposed to be like.

And I have a lovely new computer! So it's time to get back on track.

New Years Resolutions:

• Read at least 75 books
• Figure out what I'm doing with my life (mainly if I want to go to medical school or not and start that process if so)
• Get my blog running again

I would like this blog to get back to where it used to be. I am going to do some book reviews at the end of each month like I used to. Hopefully I will have it in me to do some more crafts and projects that I can share (but I haven't been doing much of that these days).

So that is my spiel. I will post this followed shortly by a post I wrote a year and a half ago and never shared (sorry)!

Happy New Year everyone! May this year be better for everyone!

Back to Blogging

Well, I never did get around to typing up and posting my official book reviews for December and I haven't posted much of anything, book related or otherwise, since then.

I was feeling pretty discouraged after the loss of Carina and Nugget in December and recently lost Nova, too. She was in "rattie hospice" care for quite some time and much of my energy was devoted to taking care of her. There has been stress at home and work has been keeping me insanely busy. Plus, I finally figured out that I lack tons of energy and a good portion of it is due to my working night shift. It's hard to function as a normal human when you work nights.

I'm still reading and hoping to find a fun way to keep incorporating books into my blog posts. And to, you know, actually write blog posts.

I am super happy to report that I have fully recovered from my previous relationship, nothing is hanging over my head anymore (except the dryer that I need to have moved from his place). And it feels amazing.

The turning point for me came when I was feeling really down about myself and I was being very hard on myself, namely about the break up and how well it fed some of my greatest insecurities (namely my feelings of inadequacy). And finally I thought to myself, "That is so messed up. Why do I think that way? Why couldn't I be enough for the right person?" I started to evaluate where those feelings were coming from. Granted, this is something I struggle with some on my own, but I finally realized that my last relationship left me feeling this way constantly. Finally, I figured out that I had been dealing with some emotional/mental abuse for at least the last several years of my relationship. The light bulb clicked on and I thought, "That is not the way you treat someone that you love." I don't think I need to go into details unless people think it would help them identify similar things in their own lives. Feel free to reach out to me.

I came around 180 degrees. It was honestly like I found the off switch. I haven't missed him or our relationship since then. There were other issues to deal with, of course, but I felt like a new woman. And much wiser.

I wasn't planning on sharing this with the wide world, but a gal I know was asking for relationship advice from strangers to share in a blog post (read it here: Advice on Love and Relationships from Strangers), and while I did not respond, it got me thinking and made me want to reach out. How do you avoid what I went through? And how could I have recognized it sooner?

I'm not really sure what the answer is. Love is blind and it's hard to see some of the rough stuff. I was aware of his flaws, and yes, some of them were huge red flags. So why did I chose to ignore those? I wish I had answers for you. I guess the main reasons were that I had already devoted so much time and energy into making that relationship work. And also, I loved him more deeply than I honestly thought I was capable of loving someone. But hindsight is 20-20, and I see more of the problems now. I also started researching subtle forms of abuse. One of my favorites was this article: 7 Complex Signs Of Emotional Abuse You May Not Know.

But I also realize that I can recognize those flags better now than I could before. I know much more surely what I am looking for in a relationship and in a partner. And I also learned that I was stronger than that failed relationship. It did not beat me. And if I could love like that before, I can love that way again. And next time, I will be able to choose better.

And don't ignore your feelings! If something feels off or makes you upset and you don't know why, something is probably wrong.

Luckily these realizations came in time for me to meet a truly amazing guy. It's still kind of new, but he checks off everything on my list and then some. We've been seeing each other for a few months now and I know I'm still in the infatuation stage, but I have honestly not found anything to complain about. So you never know what is waiting for you on the other side. I have had plenty of good things happen since I have been single. And I'm glad that I was happy and in a good place before the changes to my love life happened.

I am going on a trip (with said guy) to Portland this week and I am very excited. And I have a super exciting Disney World and Harry Potter World trip planned with some girl friends for later this year! I love having things like this to look forward to! I'm already mentally packing for September...

Anyway, I'm still thinking about the book posts and ways to get more active on this blog again. Working nights isn't ideal for blogging, but I hope I can get back into the swing of things. Thanks for reading!