Friday, May 19, 2017

Back to Blogging

Well, I never did get around to typing up and posting my official book reviews for December and I haven't posted much of anything, book related or otherwise, since then.

I was feeling pretty discouraged after the loss of Carina and Nugget in December and recently lost Nova, too. She was in "rattie hospice" care for quite some time and much of my energy was devoted to taking care of her. There has been stress at home and work has been keeping me insanely busy. Plus, I finally figured out that I lack tons of energy and a good portion of it is due to my working night shift. It's hard to function as a normal human when you work nights.

I'm still reading and hoping to find a fun way to keep incorporating books into my blog posts. And to, you know, actually write blog posts.

I am super happy to report that I have fully recovered from my previous relationship, nothing is hanging over my head anymore (except the dryer that I need to have moved from his place). And it feels amazing.

The turning point for me came when I was feeling really down about myself and I was being very hard on myself, namely about the break up and how well it fed some of my greatest insecurities (namely my feelings of inadequacy). And finally I thought to myself, "That is so messed up. Why do I think that way? Why couldn't I be enough for the right person?" I started to evaluate where those feelings were coming from. Granted, this is something I struggle with some on my own, but I finally realized that my last relationship left me feeling this way constantly. Finally, I figured out that I had been dealing with some emotional/mental abuse for at least the last several years of my relationship. The light bulb clicked on and I thought, "That is not the way you treat someone that you love." I don't think I need to go into details unless people think it would help them identify similar things in their own lives. Feel free to reach out to me.

I came around 180 degrees. It was honestly like I found the off switch. I haven't missed him or our relationship since then. There were other issues to deal with, of course, but I felt like a new woman. And much wiser.

I wasn't planning on sharing this with the wide world, but a gal I know was asking for relationship advice from strangers to share in a blog post (read it here: Advice on Love and Relationships from Strangers), and while I did not respond, it got me thinking and made me want to reach out. How do you avoid what I went through? And how could I have recognized it sooner?

I'm not really sure what the answer is. Love is blind and it's hard to see some of the rough stuff. I was aware of his flaws, and yes, some of them were huge red flags. So why did I chose to ignore those? I wish I had answers for you. I guess the main reasons were that I had already devoted so much time and energy into making that relationship work. And also, I loved him more deeply than I honestly thought I was capable of loving someone. But hindsight is 20-20, and I see more of the problems now. I also started researching subtle forms of abuse. One of my favorites was this article: 7 Complex Signs Of Emotional Abuse You May Not Know.

But I also realize that I can recognize those flags better now than I could before. I know much more surely what I am looking for in a relationship and in a partner. And I also learned that I was stronger than that failed relationship. It did not beat me. And if I could love like that before, I can love that way again. And next time, I will be able to choose better.

And don't ignore your feelings! If something feels off or makes you upset and you don't know why, something is probably wrong.

Luckily these realizations came in time for me to meet a truly amazing guy. It's still kind of new, but he checks off everything on my list and then some. We've been seeing each other for a few months now and I know I'm still in the infatuation stage, but I have honestly not found anything to complain about. So you never know what is waiting for you on the other side. I have had plenty of good things happen since I have been single. And I'm glad that I was happy and in a good place before the changes to my love life happened.

I am going on a trip (with said guy) to Portland this week and I am very excited. And I have a super exciting Disney World and Harry Potter World trip planned with some girl friends for later this year! I love having things like this to look forward to! I'm already mentally packing for September...

Anyway, I'm still thinking about the book posts and ways to get more active on this blog again. Working nights isn't ideal for blogging, but I hope I can get back into the swing of things. Thanks for reading!

1 comment:

  1. Yes! I, too, noticed signs of emotional and mental abuse in my last relationship. Like you said hindsight is 20/20. That's why I reached out to people to find out what advice they'd give their past selves. Spot on.