Saturday, March 30, 2013

An Early Morning Post

It's about 5:40am on my day off.

Just woke up from a dream about Pico.

Despite his inbreeding, he died of old age, not illness, as far as I could tell. Though he must have had a tumor on his adrenal gland(s) if his hair loss and subsequent hair gain was any indication. He outlived any hamster I've ever had. And I have had more hamsters than I want to count.

In my dream, he was sick. He had large tumors on his sides (which another hamster of mine had many, many years ago). He was very sick and going to die soon. But despite all of this, he was still very sweet. My friend, Jhenn and I were watching and holding him and trying to make him comfortable.

Then I had to leave. Jhenn left and my mom appeared. We were getting ready to go and I just started crying and crying about Pico. My mom and sister and I were supposed to be going somewhere so we were all trying to shuffle out with me unable to see through my tears or hear over my heart-broken sobbing.

So I woke up and cried and cried. And I miss Pico with a sort of attached pathetic-ness that I've never experienced before with any pet I've ever had.

My mom days that most dreams about dead animals are visitations. Not long after he died, I had the most horrible nightmare that I hurt Pico and he cried. That nightmare still haunts me and brings tears of guilt to my eyes, even though it wasn't real. And there is no way that was a visitation from Pico. I can tell you exactly why I had that nightmare and where came from, but that's another story.

I've actually only had one other dream about Pico since then. And now this one.

While it was a very sad dream, it may be a visitation for this reason: the people in the dream with me. Not a lot of people understand my attachment to such small, short-lived animals.

Except Jhenn, who also gets attached to her small, short-lived animals and who was torn up by the loss of her rat several months before I lost Pico.

My mom, who has always been very understanding and supportive about everything, including the loss of those little lives that are so important to me.

My sister, who, growing up also shared a love of our little pets and who always tried to cheer me up by bringing a hamster to come visit me.

My brother could have been added to that list, he's pretty sensitive about such things. Even my dad could have been there-not because he understands my connection, but because he knows that they are important to me and that it makes me sad.

So there you have it. I felt very compelled to write and share this. Even before 6am on my day off. Thank you for listening. And thanks to the people in my life who care about their pets and about me enough to understand and comfort me.

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