September Wrap Up

Ok! I read lots of books this month, so be prepared. As usual, review can be found on my book blog!

Books read this month:

• The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. A story about a gang of boys and of friendship and family.
• The Tempest by William Shakespeare. Finally read the tale of Prospero for two reasons: to see where Prospero the Magician from The Night Circus took his name from, and to read Ariel's part as Colin Morgan recently played him in a London stage production of this play.
• Let's Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) by Jenny Lawson. An audiobook re-read because I love this book...
• Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë. Decent, but my least favorite Brontë novel so far.
• This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab. A book about monsters and good versus evil. So good!
• My Lady Jane by Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton, and Jodi Meadows. Fun, alternate fantasy/history of Lady Jane Grey.
• A Dog's Purpose by W. Bruce Cameron. The story follows a dog through a few incarnations as he finds his purpose in life.
• The Sword of Summer by Rick Riordan. Re-read to prepare myself for the next book which comes out soon!

Challenges completed:

• A book that taught you something: The Outsiders
• A play: The Tempest
• A book with a very long title: Let's Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir)
• A book from somewhere you want to travel to: Wuthering Heights (Because I want to go back to England, I say it counts)
• A book with not enough hype: This Savage Song
• A book written by two or more authors: My Lady Jane
• A book with a non-human main character: A Dog's Purpose

Least favorite book read this month:
Wuthering Heights.

Favorite book read this month:
This Savage Song. Totally underrated. It gave me nightmares--it would have been a great October Halloween-y read! Plus, I loved the nursery rhyme:

 
Next month is October! Hooray! That means I stop reading everything I am currently reading (I tried really hard to get through everything, but I didn't quite make it...) to read Halloween-y books! Except for Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater. It is about werewolves, so it is Halloween-y enough to continue.

Goals for October!
Finish:
     Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater

Read:      The Diviners by Libba Bray
     A Tale Dark and Grimm by Adam Gidwitz
     Wicked Charms by Janet Evanovich and Phoef Sutton
Listen to:
    The Halloween Tree by Ray Bradbury
     Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury
    Eighth Grave After Dark by Darynda Jones

If there is time, I will read or listen to my very favorite: The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman

The exception:
I will also listen to The Hammer of Thor by Rick Riordan because his books usually come out in October and I am Rick Riordan trash. I can't wait a whole month! It comes out the 4th though, so I will finish it nice and early.

Anyone else have any exciting Halloween reads planned?

August Wrap Up

I've felt like a bit of a slacker lately when it comes to reading. I got back on track a little bit this month, but I keep setting aside Wuthering Heights to read other things. Like The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo. And to re-read Let's Pretend This Never Happened. I will get there eventually. Sometimes I just need things that are more light-hearted and funny.

Anyway, here is the line up this month. Full reviews are posted on my book blog.

Books read this month:

• Everland by Wendy Spinale. An interesting re-telling of Peter Pan, but steampunk.
• The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Brontë. Awesome feminist novel about a woman who leaves her abusive husband.
• Shatterglass by Tamora Pierce. An old favorite.
• Harry Potter and the Cursed Child by J.K. Rowling, John Tiffany, and Jack Thorne. The eighth Harry Potter tale, many years later.
• Smokin' Seventeen by Janet Evanovich. The Stephanie Plum antics continue.
• The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo by Amy Schumer. A collection of essays about her life.

Challenges completed:

• A book with a place name for a title: Everland (Does this count? I think it counts.)
• A book written before you were born: The Tenant of Wildfell Hall
• A re-read: Shatterglass
• A best seller: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child
• A book with a boring cover: Smokin' Seventeen
• A feminist book: The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo

 Favorite book read this month: Hard to say. I always love Shatterglass. I really enjoyed The Tenant of Wildfell Hall and The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo.

Least favorite book read this month: I liked Everland, but just not as much as I was hoping, I think.

August book haul:

Actually, The Savage Song was a book from last month, but I forgot to include it in July's wrap up. It sounds super good!

 

I have been trying to refrain from buying too many books because I have a vacation coming up as well as medical expenses. I've been pretty good. Though this doesn't include my audiobooks and I have bought a handful of those... Just ones that were on sale, though!

Otherwise, I am still dancing and recently started working out. Mostly because I can't do my dance routine. I can mostly do it, but I am not in good enough shape to do it correctly.

I broke up with the guy I was seeing. I was actually really sad and upset about it, but I think it was for the best. It's sad though, we had an awful lot of fun together. Plus, I've been having runs of sad days, lately (as you know if you read my last post). It's just been rough recently and I am trying really hard to keep myself distracted. Reading helps.

I suppose that is about it! Happy reading!

The Sad Days

I'm still having a lot of sad days. I was doing really well for a while, but seem to have relapsed in the last couple of months. I think my heart is still really broken. And I thought I was doing better, but I'm starting to feel that this is not true.

Some of my friends have probably noticed that I am struggling. There have been so many days when I should be sleeping, but I can stop crying long enough to fall asleep. Some days I get to work early with the intention of reading my book, and dissolve into tears for 20 minutes instead, until I can distract myself away from the pit. And some days the pain is so great that I've had to reach out for help. And luckily for me, several of my friends reach back and text or message me to help me step out of the quicksand.

I usually try to stay quiet about my pain and tears. And, to be honest, I'm a bit embarrassed that I'm still hung up on it all. And eventually my feelings seem to dissolve into self pity and self hate, which makes me feel even more embarrassed. No body needs to see that.

I so badly want to be better. I want to move on. And I want to find someone new to love. The problem is that I loved my ex so much, so completely, and with all that I am. It's terrifying (and a little amazing, actually) to love someone so much. It wasn't perfect, but on the whole, I was so happy and I had decided that he was all I wanted in a partner.

I know this sounds corny, but sometimes I really did feel like maybe he was my soul mate, my one true love. I desperately hope that I am wrong. Because it is terrible to feel that way about someone who doesn't love you and didn't love you nearly as much as you loved them. Someone you could never be enough for. And I'm smart enough to never go back to that. I think that put me in a bad and vulnerable position. But knowing that doesn't help me pick up the pieces any faster or more efficiently.

Being with him was so easy and it felt so right. And I can't imagine feeling that way again. I've gone on a couple of dates and even though I really liked one guy, there were no deeper feelings to be had. And I have felt very awkward around them and it has not been easy and natural like I think it should be. Maybe there isn't anyone else like that for me, and I've had my time. I can't even picture finding that again. I don't know what it looks like. Anyway, it's a moot point, I think. I'm not going to be actively looking for anyone for a while. Maybe I just need more time to heal. The gal who has been doing my hair rainbow reminds me a little of myself. She was very in love with a guy. They were together for four years and I asked her how long it had been since they broke up. "Four years." And that stuck with me, for some reason. I think it inspired me a little. She really gave it time to be mourned and to move on, and maybe I am trying to rush my healing too much in my desperate attempts to normalize my life again. On the other hand, I also don't want to be feeling this way forever (which is already how it feels at this point).

Sorry for the downer. I'm just having a really hard time right now. It helps to get it all out in writing, even if no one reads it. If you are reading this, thank you and thank you for caring enough to read my sob story. I promise I don't feel hopeless and sad all of the time. And some days are even good days. Right now, though, I'm still really low on spoons. (Yes spoons, see On Just Being OK if you missed the reference.)