June and July 2022 Wrap Up

Sorry for the delayed post. I didn't get around to working on my June 2022 wrap up until half way though July. So I figured I might as well wait and post everything at once.

June was neat because I got to go up to Colorado and visit friends and family. I think I needed that more than I knew. It was a good trip and it was so nice to see so many of my people.

I didn't update at the end of June because I ended up working all weekend and was exhausted all week from the extra hours (including working on the fourth of July). And in between all of that I was dealing with rats being sick, vet appointments, doctors appointments for me, internet issues, and more. It was just busy and I was so tired. I hope this will be the last post that I need to combine. But you never know. I will do my best.

July was (obviously) a bit nuts at work for a while. More vet appointments and doctors/dentist appointments. We also lost the woman who was my daycare lady for many years of my life near the end of July. I think she started taking care of me when I was about 2 until I was nearly 12. She helped raise me and several of the kids in her care are still in touch. One of my best and oldest friends started daycare around the same time I did and my little brother met his two best friends there and they are still a great trio all these years later. It has been a sad week with her loss. She was such a big part of all of our lives. That has been on my mind a lot lately.

I will keep my book reviews short since it is late and two months worth of them.

Title: Playing With Myself

Author: Randy Rainbow

Narrator: Randy Rainbow

 

Synopsis: An autobiography/collection of memoirs by and about Randy Rainbow. 

Thoughts: I loved this book. It was great and often super funny. And one time I cried my eyes out. Listening to it being read by him made it more special. Absolutely recommend.

Rating: 4 1/2 stars out of 5 stars

Title: The Song of Achilles

Author: Madeline Miller

Narrator: Frazer Douglas

 

Synopsis: This is the story of Achilles through the eyes of Patroclus, the man who best loved Achilles and was best loved by Achilles. Despite their differences, they become unlikely friends and eventually fall in love.

 

Thoughts: I feel like I'm behind on this one. And, oddly enough, I am not super familiar with Achilles' story. But this book was lovely and beautiful.

 

Rating: 4 stars out of 5 stars

 

 

Title: The Other Man

Author: Farhad J. Dadyburjor

Narrator: Ariyan Kassam

 

Synopsis: Ved is living as a closeted gay man in India where being gay is not accepted. He agrees to an arranged marriage with the seemingly perfect Disha. And he thinks that will be all until he meets Carlos and falls head over heals for him.

 

Thoughts: There were some things that I loved about this book and some things that I didn't like much. But I sort of love Ved's parents and Disha. Overall it was a nice read.

 

Rating: 3 1/2 stars out of 5 stars 

Title: Born A Crime

Author: Trevor Noah

Narrator: Trevor Noah

 

Synopsis: Trevor was born in South Africa to a Black mother and white father. Since this was illegal, it had to be hidden for much of his life. And it gave him a whole different life experience than most people would ever experience.

 

Thoughts: This was a great book. I honestly know little about apartheid. His life was so different from anything I could imagine. I found it very interesting and I thought it was a great read.

 

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

 

 

Title: What if it's Us

Authors: Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera

Narrators: Noah Galvin and Froy Gutierrez

 

Synopsis: A brief, chance meeting between Arthur and Ben leaves both of them desperate to find the other. When Arthur posts an ad at a local coffee shop, it feels like destiny that Ben found it. But Arthur is only in New York City for the summer.

Thoughts: This book was sweet and pretty cute. I think I wasn't fully satisfied with the ending mostly. Still a decent read though. Fun little meet-cute story.

Rating: 3 stars out of 5 stars

 

Titles: Emperor Mage and The Realms of the Gods

Author: Tamora Pierce

 

Synopsis: Daine's adventures continue. First, she travels to Carthak with Tortall ambassadors to try and make peace with the Emperor and a goddess lends Daine the power to bring dead animals to life. Then, when she is in great danger, Daine (with Numair) is pulled into the realms of the gods by her parents. Once she recovers, she and Numair must find their way back to the mortal realms.

Thoughts: I have read these books too many times. These two were always my favorites when I was younger, but now that I am older, I actually like the first two better. But these are nostalgic, comfort reads for me and I think I will always love them.

Rating: 4 stars out of 5 stars

 

Title: Lady Killers

Author: Tori Telfer

Narrator: Sarah Mollo-Christensen

 

Synopsis: This book explores female serial killers in history. Women are generally seen as the victims of such crimes; society struggles when women are serial killers.

 

Thoughts: This book was great. My only wish was that more female serial killers were included in this book. Her exploration of the history and taking the fantasies out of the true story made it even more interesting. She also talks a lot about how female serial killers are viewed and downplayed by society.

 

Rating: 4 1/2 stars out of 5 stars

 

 

Title: Female Serial Killers

Author: Peter Vronsky

Narrator: Charles Constant

 

Synopsis: Vronsky takes a look at female serial killers and what makes them killers. He looks at many female serial killers and takes their histories and childhoods into account as well as some interesting psychological information and analysis.

Thoughts: I am not generally into serial killers, but the last book (see above) peaked my interest in female serial killers. This one looks at many more women, most much more modern than in the last book. Some of the information was very interesting and some was very disturbing (which is to be expected, I think). My only complaint is that, at times, his weird version of feminism got to me. He is occasionally very oddly harsh and opinionated in particular ways about feminist movements/thoughts/arguments. Sometimes I didn't even think he was wrong, but disliked how he brushed off other people/analysts without (in my opinion) much to stand on, seeing as he is a man.

Rating: 3 1/2 stars out of 5 stars

Title: The Hidden Lives of Tudor Women

Author: Elizabeth Norton

Narrator: Jennifer Dixon

 

Synopsis: This book follows the lives of women (from peasants to royalty) during the reign of the Tudors. Most historical records concern men more than women, so this is some insight into the lives of women who are so often hidden from historical records.

 

Thoughts: If you are into history, this is an interesting read. I enjoyed it.

 

 Rating: 4 stars out of 5 stars

 

 

Title: Stay Gold

Author: Tobly McSmith

Narrators: Theo Germaine and Phoebe Strole

Synopsis: Pony is a transgender boy in rural Texas and he is transferred to a new school. Since no one knows he is transgender, he is living his dream of just being one of the guys. And then he falls for the beautiful cheerleader, Georgia who likes him back. But he is afraid to tell anyone his secret, though growing closer to Georgia he knows he really should.

Thoughts: I read this book last year and loved it so much. Reading it again this year did not at all change my feelings. I adore this book. It is hard and wonderful and redeeming and magic.

Rating: 5 stars out of 5 stars

Title: Love and Other Disasters

Author: Anita Kelly

Narrator: Lindsey Dorcus

 

Synopsis: Dahlia loves to cook and enters as a contestant on a cooking show to win the money that would help turn her life around. Meanwhile, London, the first openly nonbinary contestant on the popular cooking show wants to pursue their dream of starting a non-profit for LBGTQ+ kids. Can Dahlia and London really compete as their feelings towards one another grow?

 

Thoughts: I liked the cooking show premise of this book and the characters were interesting and likable enough. It was good, overall, but I didn't love the sex scenes (as is usual for me). That aside, it was sweet and fun.

 

Rating: 3 stars out of 5 stars

 

 

Title: Conventionally Yours

Author: Annabeth Albert

Narrators: Kirt Graves and Joel Froomkin

Synopsis: Conrad and Alden are rivals maybe. They both play a card game called Odyssey and have gained some notoriety online. They are invited to an Odyssey convention and competition with a grand money prize and a chance to turn professional. Each needs to win for different reasons. As they travel to the convention as reluctant travel companions, they grow closer and their perspectives start to shift.

 

Thoughts: I liked some of the nerdy aspects of this book and there were a ton of LBGTQ characters, which is nice to see. As usual, I did not enjoy the sex scenes, but the book was a fun read and I liked the characters' and their connections and relationship.

 

Rating: 3 stars out of 5 stars

 

 

Titles: First Test and Page

Author: Tamora Pierce

Synopsis: These are the first two books in the Protector of the Small quartet. The series follows Kel in her quest to become a female knight, the first known female knight in many decades. First Test follows her year as a probationary page and her adventures continue as she is accepted as a true page following the first year.

 

Thoughts: I have read these books many, many times. And while Alanna and Daine have always been favorite characters of mine, I really think that this series is probably the most well-written of her series. And they are still comfort reads for me. I always enjoy them.

 

Rating: 4 1/2 stars out of 5 stars 

Favorite books read in June and July: Playing With Myself and Stay Gold

Least favorite books read in June and July: Not sure, maybe What if it's Us, Conventionally Yours, or Love and Other Disasters. Not because they were bad, just that they got the fewest stars.

I have read 49 books towards my goal of 60. I may increase my goal since I have been doing well lately.

Thanks for reading and for your patience! I appreciate you sticking with me.

Missing Romulus

Today I am really struggling with missing Romulus.

His memory is still so vivid that it is hard for me to comprehend him never being here again. How can he not be here when I can see him so clearly in my mind? If he were on the couch with me right now, I know exactly what he would be doing and where he would be going and where he would curl up to nap. And it's hard for me not to imagine him being here when we have been in this exact spot so many times before.

But there won't be anymore cuddles, licks, pictures, games, snacks, naps, and shenanigans. He was the best at getting into everything that I didn't want him to get into. And when I held him and scolded him, he knew I'd let him go if he reached out and licked my nose. Made my heart melt every time. I miss that. But I miss everything.

The vet called a few days ago for me to come pick up his ashes. And after three days, I still can't bring myself to drive all the way down there and walk through those doors again. It might make it all too real, and I can't decide if that is good or bad. I do know that it will hurt either way. That place is part of what made losing him so surreal. I never went to that office before, but ended up there three times in one week. The first time, my vet didn't have anyone available so they recommended I take him to this place to be checked out. A week later, I was rushing Romulus to their 24 hour emergency room at almost 9pm. I didn't leave until after 11pm. The next morning I went back to say good-bye. So the whole situation and the place don't seem quite real in my mind. I'm afraid to go back because it makes it all real again. And I'm not sure if that will help me come to terms with his loss or just make it worse.

His second birthday is two days away. I will have to do a little something for Remus, but it makes me feel Romulus' loss that much more.

My little heart is still so broken and there is not much that I wouldn't give to have him back. I know time will dull the ache and ease the pain. But for now, it still hurts and I still have to remember and cry. And apparently avoid that vet office. Maybe I will find some courage and go later. Seems better than going on his birthday, which is my next day off. Definitely not a good birthday chore.

Missing My Rat

Yesterday I had to put down Romulus. He got a respiratory infection, but his symptoms did not seem to indicate that. So I waited too long to bring him into the vet. We got him started on antibiotics and after several days, they weren't working, but I thought they just needed more time. So I didn't take him in until he was having severe trouble breathing (suddenly). I rushed him to the emergency room, crying and panicked. I kept him on my lap and basically refused to let go of him until someone finally came to put him into an oxygen box. That seemed to help and we added an antibiotic.

The next day he was struggling to breathe, even with the oxygen. Despite the care and drugs and oxygen, he was fading quickly. I had to make the horrible decision to put him down because I didn't want him to suffer anymore and there wasn't a chance of him getting better.

I feel like that was the right decision, even though it was a big one and I felt like I really shouldn't be the one to decide that. But it's hard. And my heart is broken.

The whole 24 hours or so seemed so surreal. I spent so much time in the ER waiting room and exam rooms and Romulus faded so, so quickly. It all happened so fast that I didn't get time to really adjust to his life ending and him being gone from my life. Usually when pets age, they decline slowly and you have time to prepare.

I put him down exactly two weeks before his second birthday. He didn't even make it to his second birthday. And that just seems horribly unfair. And I actually feel angry. I am used to my pets living a pretty long time and he should have had at least another year. So I can't help but feel that he is supposed to be here. I still expect him to be here. He was so cheerful and loving all the time, even when he wasn't feeling well (which is probably part of why I didn't realize how sick he was earlier). It is very hard for me to see my life without him. It was too sudden. And I know life isn't fair, but this seems so cruel.

To top it off, I feel horrible for Remus. He has always been with his brother. And I can tell that he is OK, but kind of mopey. I think it will be hard for him. And I feel like I should look into getting him a buddy (after some time), but he is really going to have to be the right rat. Romulus was SO easy-going and happy. Remus is sweet, but neurotic, anxious, and the dominant rat. I am pretty sure the only reason he was dominant is because Romulus let him and didn't care enough to fight for it. I would have to find a rat that would fit with him. Remus is kind of anti-social; its possible he will be OK on his own, but I don't want him to be sad and lonely.

Romulus and his little "meeps" when he was getting into trouble.

I keep expecting Romulus to be here. I miss him licking me all the time and playing with me. He was always the social one who wanted to come out and run around and be in the middle of everything. I will miss him trying to help himself to my food and drinks (Remus is too polite for that, the sweetie). I just miss him with an acute ache that makes my stomach tighten and my heart hurt. And I cry a lot. Sometimes randomly when a thought sneaks up on me. I also haven't been sleeping very well. I lay there for hours and just think about him. I feel lost without him.

 

Romulus kisses.

I'm glad I still have Remus and he still has me. I make him come out and sit and cuddle with me more (which he tolerates pretty well--he's not much of a cuddler). It's going to take a while for me to bounce back from this one. I try to keep myself distracted, otherwise I just cry all of the time. He was the best rat and he is sorely missed.

Loss of Loved Ones

I just wanted to put up this little post. In honor of this, you will get excerpts from one of my early scrapbooks.

In the last year, I have lost three family members. The first was my grandpa on my mom's side. He died March 12, 2012. The day I took the GRE (my mom didn't tell me until after the test was over so as not to stress me further). I started this blog around that time, as well. I was lucky enough to get to spend a little time with Grandpa before he died. He came to my mom's wedding a couple years ago and my mom, brother, sister, and I went out to see him not long after he was put in an assisted living place (my step-grandma had a hard time looking after him herself).

He had dementia, but he was so high-functioning that no one knew until about a year before he died. His sister's death seemed to trigger the decline. He remained fairly lucid throughout the year, but his sense of time was completely off.

About six months later, my Aunt Jennifer (also on my mom's side) accidentally killed herself by taking her medications with alcohol, an apparently fatal mix. She left behind a husband and two girls, one of them still quite young and the eldest had already dealt with the loss of her father when she was young. Even though my Aunt Jennifer and I were never super close, it's hard not to miss her because she was so bright and fun-loving.

Yesterday I lost my grandmother (Baba) on my dad's side. She had Alzheimer's.The progression of her disease was much slower than Grandpa's.

When we were young we used to see her almost every Sunday. We walked around Villi Italia Mall (which is gone now) and we always ended the trip with ice cream. Those were good times. Even in those days though, she repeated herself a lot.

One of my early scrapbooked pages. The bottom left picture is the only picture I have of Baba.

 She and my grandfather (Poppa) had been divorced all my life and Poppa re-married. My Poppa died in 2003, which was and still is a hard one for me to deal with. At his funeral we saw my Baba. She thought my sister and I were twins (she didn't remember who we were) and told us about her twin daughters (my aunts who, of course, we knew). That was hard. We didn't see her for a long time after that.

The bottom picture was taken two days before Poppa died.

 "Mortality is the price we pay for love." -Said by the Rabbi at Poppa's funeral.

I got a birthday card from her that year and I kept it very close because I had a feeling it was the last one I'd be getting from her. I was right. My Auntie Francie sent a few for her after that, but they weren't Baba's doing.

The inside reads: "I believe in magic... in fairy princesses and dreams that really do come true. It isn't any wonder that a thousand years from now, somewhere, somehow I'll still be loving you." I tear up every time.

She started to regress in age. We met her once for lunch maybe five years ago or so. She seemed to realize that we were all related, but she didn't seem entirely clear on how.

I didn't see her after that. My dad said that she regressed to the point where she thought she was a young woman again. She would dress up, do her hair and make-up (which she almost never did before). She even flirted with my dad, not realizing that he was her son.

I suppose, in a way, the regression was good for her. It gave her a chance to live a lot of life that she never got to have. She and my Poppa were in the Holocaust and (as far as we know) the only survivors of their families. She spent her teenage years very sick in a ghetto. Her story is kind of a miracle, actually.

She was young when she was in the ghetto. She never did go to a concentration camp, which was lucky for her. She got typhoid fever while she was there and got so sick that they threw her body out with the dead. Her friends sneaked out in the night to bring her back. They managed to nurse her back to health and did her work for her so it looked like she was doing it. They had to sit close on either side of her to keep her propped up.

In the end she survived. And she managed to sneak a bunch of Nazi money and pictures out in her boots. I don't know how she got a hold of them. Now my family is in possession of some bits of Nazi money and some original Holocaust pictures.

My Poppa was sent to Dachau and Auschwitz. He was only 14. His survival was miraculous as well. He was learning to be a brick layer, a good skill to have, which probably saved him.

I have forms of dementia on both sides of my family, yay. Genetic goldmine, yes? Because of Baba, though, I have a hard time watching movies like "The Notebook." I watched it once and never will again. Hits a little too close to home. There was also an episode of House where Dr. Foreman's mother visits. It's clear that her memory isn't what it used to be, but Foreman spends a lot of time talking to her. You realize at the end (as he does), that she doesn't know that Foreman is her son. I sobbed after that and I haven't watched that episode since. It's hard to be forgotten by a loved one.

She wouldn't like that I wrote all of this about her. She always said that she never wanted a funeral service, she didn't want anyone to show up, she just wanted to be buried in a burlap sack and have everyone go on with their lives. Kind of funny, I guess. She threatened to haunt my dad and aunts if they made a big deal about it. Her burial is tomorrow and there are going to be tons of people there. My dad's family lived in a neighborhood in Denver that was almost entirely Jewish immigrants and their children. They all grew up together and still stay in contact. News of her death has, of course, gone through the grapevine to all the children (now grandparents themselves) and all of their parents who are still around. No service, though. It will just be a burial at a Jewish cemetery nearby. The same one Poppa is at. Now I have two to visit when I go there.

This is sad for me, but I no longer have any biological grandparents left alive. My mom's mom, Nana, died when I was very young, but she and I were very close. Mostly I miss the fact that, if she hadn't smoked and drank so much, she could still be around and be part of my life. It's like there is an unfilled hole there, you know? I do have two step-grandmothers left and they have both been around my whole life, so I am glad that they are still here. And my dad and aunts group of friends, (they call themselves the West-side Gang) are like family, too. That helps.

The top picture is pretty clear. I cut off parts of this page. On the right is my Grandpa and step-grandma (Gaye) with me. The bottom picture is my Nana holding me.

It's hard not to miss those people who have been lost. But I guess it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, right?

That's my sad story of the day. I hope I don't have any sad posts for a long time.

"Fearful to love that which can be touched by death... holy to love that which has been touched by death." -Said by the Rabbi at Poppa's funeral.

NDK Checklist and a Moment to Myself

Kurama Shuiichi wig styled: check (and it was very difficult).

Yoko Kurama wig styled: check.

Happy to report that both Kurama costumes are complete.

Under-dress for my Katamari dress: check, but not well done. Since it goes underneath the actual dress, I think it will be OK.

Dress for my Katamari costume: partially sewn together, but still needs trim and paint.

Katamari head: still need to finish covering and trim and paint.

Katamari shoes: still need paint.

Katamari gloves: haven't even started. Or exactly figured out how to make them...

Basically my Katamari costume still needs way more work that I want to think about. One thing at a time.

I would like to take this breather to say that my Aunt Jennifer passed away yesterday, September 12. She was only 40 years old. She was a very spunky red-head, adventurous, and funny. She is leaving behind two daughters, a husband, a mother, siblings, nieces and nephews, all of whom will miss her greatly. Her father and my grandfather passed away exactly six months ago, so my step grandmother is having a difficult time and year. My heart aches very much for my step grandma as well as for Jennifer's husband, and very much so for her girls (the eldest of which has already experienced more trials in life than she should have). I feel a little guilty, pushing her death and the grief of my family (as well as my own) aside for a fun weekend, but I know how much Aunt Jennifer valued a good time. My best memory of her was from many years back when she came with my brother, sister, and me to an amusement park and worried me by rocking our Ferris wheel cart as much as she and my sister could manage. My other favorite memory was of Christmas 2003, a few years after marrying Rodney, with their new baby girl in her arms and seeing that she was more at peace than I had ever seen her before. I hope that your thoughts (and, if you are so inclined, your prayers) are with her and my family. You are so missed, Aunt Jennifer. And I hope that you and Grandpa are happy and together. Peace and love to my family, especially Elizabeth and Abby who I cannot stop thinking and worrying about.