Big Steps

After some conversations with my counselor (and my mom and my dance instructor... like, really?) and some soul searching and research of my own, I have decided to put myself out there and try dating again. By again, I just mean, try dating, because I did very little of that um... ever.

I did quite a bit of reading, looking for advice, tips, and personal accounts. How long is long enough? How do you know you are ready?

I won't lie, I knew I wasn't ready for a long time. And actually, when I initially started to look into dating and started to create a profile, I totally freaked and knew that I wasn't quite there yet.

After some time and more thinking, I decided to try again. I did more reading and looked specifically on eHarmony. I figured, working nights and no social life leaves me next to no chance of meeting someone and that this would help me "weed out" the ones who are not serious and not interested in the same things I am. Plus my counselor and I discussed it and she thinks that I have come a really long way and that it is a good idea. So with her approval, I decided to try.

I went through, what seemed like, a never-ending mourning period. All of the sudden, about 3-4 weeks ago, something (I have no idea what) changed. I suddenly started feeling so much better, more motivated and less depressed. I have only had a couple of sad periods since then (and both were brief). The relief is incredible. I wish I knew what happened, but I am so glad that it did. I would attribute some of it to counseling and some of it to dance (which makes me more happy than I thought it could). Even a couple of my friends who saw me in the past week or so told me that I look and sound so much better.

This is a pretty big step for me, but I feel like I am ready to look for a new, meaningful connection. I would like to have that bond and that closeness again, but with someone new and who is, hopefully, a better fit for me.

It's still really new, but I am feeling fairly optimistic. (And I have my first date coming up pretty soon, and I am actually excited. And a bit nervous, but mostly excited. We went through the eHarmony communications and eventually exchanged numbers and have been talking/texting every day for extended periods of time. It's been pretty wonderful. We will see how it goes!)

So there you have it. Does anyone out there have any advice for me and other people like me? Any hazards of online dating to avoid? Stories and experiences to share? I would like to hear them! And maybe sometime soon, I will even have some advice and stories to share.

April Wrap Up

I totally derailed this month! I started strong and then ended up reading waaay too many books. I am still working my way through Cress. It's been months. The book is good, I just keep putting it down to read other things. Like The White Cliffs. Or Demigods and Magicians... And then I was about a third of the way through Six of Crows audiobook when The Raven King was released at which point I dropped nearly everything to listen to that audiobook because OH MY GOD IT'S FINALLY HERE. I'm not finished yet, but it is SOOO good so far. I'm so in love...

Anyway...

April Book Haul

My copy of The Raven King that I ordered. Doodled in my Maggie Stiefvater herself! I love it!

Books read this month:

• Blue Lily, Lily Blue by Maggie Stiefvater. I LOVED this book and was so excited for the last book to come out this month.
• The White Cliffs by Alice Duer Miller. I was reminded of this when I read Born With Teeth. My copy belonged to my great grandmother, so it's pretty special.
• I'll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson. Interesting sort of growing/coming of age story about twins Noah and Jude.

Favorite book read this month:
Definitely Blue Lily, Lily Blue

Least favorite book read this month:
Probably The White Cliffs? If only because poetry isn't my go-to genre.

Challenges completed:

A poetry book: The White Cliffs
A book with a colorful cover: I'll Give You the Sun

In other news, dancing continues to go well and I am still loving it.

I have also been feeling better, especially the last two weeks or so. My sad days are finally getting fewer and further between, and when I have them, they aren't as hard. I am feeling better about myself and my situation. There is still some hurt, anger, and bitterness there, but it is, amazingly and suddenly, more manageable. I'm so relieved. It really does start to get better.

I got a couple more rats, which some of you have seen and heard about. Introductions are... proceeding. I've been reading articles and getting tips from other rat owners. I need them all to get along!

I have some other news, but it is a bit different and I am going to save it for a separate post.

March Wrap Up

Book stuff first. As always, actual reviews can be found on my book blog.

Books read this month:

• Worlds of Ink and Shadow by Lena Coakley. A twist on the story of the Brontë siblings.
• The Sleeper and the Spindle by Neil Gaiman. A short twist on the Sleeping Beauty tale with lovely artwork by Chris Riddell.
• Blackveil by Kristen Britian. Fourth book in the Green Rider series.
• The Love that Split the World by Emily Henry. Feburary Owlcrate book that combines a love story and science fiction.
• The Dream Thieves by Maggie Steifvater. The second in The Raven Cycle series. I didn't like it as much as the first. Which isn't saying much because I LOVED the first one. I am seriously enjoying this series.

Challenges completed:

• A book released this year: Worlds of Ink and Shadow
• A book with illustrations: The Sleeper and the Spindle
• A book that made you cry: The Love That Split the World

Favorite book read this month:
Torn between The Dream Thieves and The Love That Split the World

Least favorite book read this month:
Blackveil

I participated in a March book photo challenge under the tag #KeepBookMarching on Instagram. I only missed a couple days. It was a fun little challenge. Made my first #BookishRainbow, it's not great, but it was fun:

And here was my reading goal photo and I almost made it. I barely started March, and I didn't quite finish Cress. But I also re-read A Charmed Life by Diana Wynne Jones because I love it and I really wanted to. And I started Blue Lily, Lily Blue. So I call it a success.

Reading Goals

March Wrap Up

And non-book related things.

My counselor has been trying to encourage me to do more social things. Working nights has a very detrimental effect on my social life (aka: I don't have a social life). I have been meaning to be more physically active, but can't bring myself to care to make it to a gym. So this was our compromise: get back into ballroom dancing.

I started ballroom when I turned 16 and kept at it for 3 solid years. I did it a little on and off again for the next few years and then stopped altogether. When I showed up to my instructor's studio that first night, his greeting was so warm and welcoming that I immediately knew that I had made a good decision. I didn't know any of the other students and had never been to my instructor's new studio, but part of me still felt like I came home to something. And despite the many blisters on my feet (at least three on each foot) from not wearing my shoes for soooo many years, I am looking forward to going back.

I have been back a few times since that first lesson and started to feel like maybe I was getting a little piece of myself back. I guess my counselor was right.

That's about it for this month. Thanks for reading!