Monday, May 16, 2016

Big Steps

After some conversations with my counselor (and my mom and my dance instructor... like, really?) and some soul searching and research of my own, I have decided to put myself out there and try dating again. By again, I just mean, try dating, because I did very little of that um... ever.

I did quite a bit of reading, looking for advice, tips, and personal accounts. How long is long enough? How do you know you are ready?

I won't lie, I knew I wasn't ready for a long time. And actually, when I initially started to look into dating and started to create a profile, I totally freaked and knew that I wasn't quite there yet.

After some time and more thinking, I decided to try again. I did more reading and looked specifically on eHarmony. I figured, working nights and no social life leaves me next to no chance of meeting someone and that this would help me "weed out" the ones who are not serious and not interested in the same things I am. Plus my counselor and I discussed it and she thinks that I have come a really long way and that it is a good idea. So with her approval, I decided to try.

I went through, what seemed like, a never-ending mourning period. All of the sudden, about 3-4 weeks ago, something (I have no idea what) changed. I suddenly started feeling so much better, more motivated and less depressed. I have only had a couple of sad periods since then (and both were brief). The relief is incredible. I wish I knew what happened, but I am so glad that it did. I would attribute some of it to counseling and some of it to dance (which makes me more happy than I thought it could). Even a couple of my friends who saw me in the past week or so told me that I look and sound so much better.

This is a pretty big step for me, but I feel like I am ready to look for a new, meaningful connection. I would like to have that bond and that closeness again, but with someone new and who is, hopefully, a better fit for me.

It's still really new, but I am feeling fairly optimistic. (And I have my first date coming up pretty soon, and I am actually excited. And a bit nervous, but mostly excited. We went through the eHarmony communications and eventually exchanged numbers and have been talking/texting every day for extended periods of time. It's been pretty wonderful. We will see how it goes!)

So there you have it. Does anyone out there have any advice for me and other people like me? Any hazards of online dating to avoid? Stories and experiences to share? I would like to hear them! And maybe sometime soon, I will even have some advice and stories to share.

1 comment:

  1. I guess my only advice would be to take it slow, and if there ever feels like there's too much pressure, back away. Trust your heart and yourself to know when things are going right. When I did Internet dating many years ago, I took things at my own pace and didn't let the other person dictate what was happening and when, and while the relationship didn't work out in the long run, I'm glad that I took my time and enjoyed it for the time I had.

    As far as hazards... as long as you meet in a public place until you're comfortable and trust the other person, I can't think of anything that I, personally, experienced. Online dating was pretty fun. I would make sure to state that you are dating, and that you might be going out with multiple people to find a good fit (if this is the case; if not, then ignore that). Being open from the beginning has always been a good rule of thumb for me.

    Also, here's the last big rule I had: Have fun. Dating is supposed to be an enjoyable experience. If you ever feel like you're not having fun, it's time for a reevaluation of things. :) Hope that helps.