July 2019 Wrap Up

July has been a hectic month what with packing and moving and job hunting. I still managed to read a few books though, so lets start there!

Title: My Plain Jane
Authors: Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton, Jodi Meadows

Thoughts: So I did not love this book. I started it at the beginning of April and didn't finish until the beginning of July. I liked the overall idea of the story (and their last book, My Lady Jane, was OK). I definitely considered bailing a couple of times, but I love Jane Eyre and Charlotte Bronte, so I kept going.

It is an alternate story of how the classic Jane Eyre came to be. But in this version, Charlotte Bronte was friends with Jane Eyre. And Jane Eyre can see ghosts. Silly? Yes, but a little fun (even though the humor wasn't really my brand).

Rating: 2-2 1/2 of 5 stars

Title: The Star-Touched Queen
Author: Roshani Chokshi
Narrator: Priya Ayyar

Thoughts: This has been on my TBR pile for what seems like ages and I'm not sure why I took so long to read it! I loved all the mythology and magic. I cared so much about the characters and about Maya's journey to find her place. As daughter of the Raja, she is prominent, but cursed with a terrible horoscope that spells a dark destiny for her. In a strange turn of events, she marries Amar and becomes queen of Akaran, but Akaran is not all it seems. As Maya uncovers more secrets about herself and Amar, her life changes and she risks losing everything that she loves.

I loved it and I love the way that Amar loves Maya. I know it has several different inspirations from Hindu mythology, but the story reminded me of Psyche and Eros. Highly recommend it, and I need to read more of her books!

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Title: Finale
Author: Stephanie Garber
Narrator: Rebecca Soler

Thoughts: I did this one partially listening to the audiobook and partially reading my physical copy, which is a pretty edition I received in an Owlcrate.

Overall I liked it OK, though I did predict some of the plot twists before they happened. And I still have very conflicting feelings about Jacks. I really wanted him to have a redemption arc in this book, but I'm not really sure he got one? I loved and hated him all at once.

While I'm glad that almost everyone got the (mostly) happy endings I hoped for, I think the book felt a little more dragged out than the last one but the ending felt very abrupt. I still enjoyed the series and would recommend them, but I think I liked the first two a little more because they happened during actual Caraval events, which are interesting to me.

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5 stars

Title: MCAT Biology Review
Author: Kaplan Test Prep

Thoughts: Not a real reading book, but it took me months to finish this one and I am counting them towards my reading goals! I'm not sure why it took me so long to read this one. Usually biology is my strongest subject, but I seriously need some anatomy and physiology classes before I take the MCAT and then go back through this book again.

                                      Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Title: Shadow of the Fox
Author: Julie Kagawa

Thoughts: Yumeko is half fox, half human and is tasked with saving a magical scroll and taking it to a secret temple far from everything she has ever known. Soon after, she meets up with a specially trained ninja, Kage Tatsumi, who is low-key possessed by a demon who has been sent to find the scroll. She strikes a deal with him to take him with her if he will help protect her from the many demons, witches, and other evil creatures sent after her and the scroll. There are a few problems: Tatsumi doesn't know that she is part fox nor that she has the scroll. Other people join their group, complicating their mission. And Tatsumi may have to kill Yumeko at the end of the journey. And he might kind of like her.

This was an owlcrate book I received many months ago. I had mixed feelings going into it, probably because it has pretty mixed reviews and I didn't know what to expect. At first, I wasn't very into it, but by about half-way through I was pretty invested and read the rest quickly. I enjoyed it quite a bit and definitely need to read the next one! I must know what happens!

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Title: The Royal Art of Poison
Author: Eleanor Herman
Narrator: Susie Berneis

Thoughts: This book is about poisons! But also about history and royalty (and other high-ranking, important people) and how they died. All the people covered were suspected to have died of poison, but were they? This book talks about different poisons, how they work, the symptoms, and even how they were used in cosmetics and medications. But diseases and general filth killed people, too. How did the royals protect themselves against poisons? What cures did they use?

This book was super interesting. I am interested in diseases, which feel similar to poisons to me and I loved the case histories and trying to pick them apart. Very enjoyable if you are interested in history and poison!

Rating: 3.5-4 out of 5 stars

Title: Rabid: A Cultural History of the World's Most Diabolical Virus
Authors: Bill Wasik and Monica Murphy

Thoughts: This book is all about rabies. Plenty of information about the history of the disease and various crazy "cures" through the ages (which don't work as rabies is nearly 100% fatal). The best part for me was a chapter about how rabies may have contributed to the stories of the werewolf and vampire.

I didn't read this book in detail since I was going through it for my rabies disease post, but I did at least skim the whole book, so I am counting it. If you are interested in infectious diseases and would like the history as well as some cultural stories and histories and a few more modern stories, this is a good book for you.

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Title: The Bookish Life of Nina Hill
Author: Abbi Waxman
Narrator: Emily Rankin

Thoughts: Nina Hill is just living her (mostly) quiet, book-filled life in LA when she has a dead father and a crazy family thrown into her lap. She learns all about her new-found family and mixed things about the father she never knew. And on top of it, she might want to date this guy she met. And she doesn't handle change and surprises very well.

I liked this book overall. There were a few parts that I just didn't love, but there were some parts that made me laugh out loud. I related to Nina by loving books and also having anxiety. I enjoyed the adventure for sure, though for some reason didn't love the ending? Maybe it felt too forced and rushed for my taste. But I still enjoyed it enough to read it again in the future.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars


Favorite book read this month: The Star-touched Queen or the Bookish Life of Nina Hill
Least favorite book read this month: My Plain Jane

I have been continuing Insanity, which I think is a very good thing for me. And I have made a few trips down to the new apartment and have been slowly moving my stuff down there. And trying to get rid of things (which I am terrible at doing) because the new place is pretty small and there isn't room! But slow and steady wins the race, right?

My anxiety has been steadily climbing because I am not good at moving or handling change. Plus I ended up trying to help a lady find homes for some baby rats. By the way, if anyone in Colorado or New Mexico would like some cute baby rats, please let me know! I will probably take a few myself. Anyway, working out seems to help and I am trying to do little things each day to help keep it manageable.

I'm not sure if this will help my anxiety or make it worse, but I decided to start a bullet journal/planner. I've always kept a fairly detailed planner, this will just be more involved. At the very least, I hope it will help keep me on track and help me track the things that help my mood and anxiety. If it is successful, I will try to post some of the things I am trying.

And last but not least, I hope you enjoyed my disease post. Rabies was fun to do. And now that it is finished, I am a bit at a loss for what to do next. Smallpox and rabies seemed like easy ones to tackle (I'm not sure why I felt that way, but I did). I would like to do something bacterial next, so maybe I will try for Brucella or anthrax. If it feels like too much, maybe I will switch to another virus like herpes or Varicella zoster (which causes chicken pox). If anyone has questions or requests, please let me know!

Thanks for reading!

Graduation, the BolderBoulder and More

I'm sorry that it has been nearly a month since I last posted!

For those of you who do not know, I graduated a couple weeks ago with my Masters in Microbiology and Immunology! It was pretty exciting, though the ceremony was kind of boring. And I was sad to not get in a picture of my group (called Wolfpack). I miss my group members already. We spent SO much time together and all six of us got along so well! That's a pretty rare find. Plus, we enjoyed each others company and often hung out outside of class.

Some of my classmates hanging out and waiting for the ceremony with two of my group members in the fore-front.

Don't you just love our hoods?! I sure do!

Most of us looked like this the whole time-in my group, anyway. It was hard to hear the speakers and it was long and rather boring.

But here I am in my robe!

And the BolderBoulder 10k was on Monday the 26. I was quite nervous, but excited. I expected to walk much of it, but ended up jogging (slowly!) a little more than half of it. Considering that I only started running about 5 weeks prior and that I was training for a 5k, I guess I don't feel too bad. However, I did manage to hurt my right foot which seemed to heal in time and then my left ankle which did not heal in time. Then I managed to damage both ankles during the 10k. Woo! So for the last week, my ankles have been swollen and super tender and painful. Oh well. Here are the details of my costume, though!

I had a white camisole and I decided to use this:

Rose pink fabric spray paint

I actually used those sheets of duct tape to create the diamonds for my shirt (and the headband). The small ones on the headband didn't work as well, but the big ones did!

In progress

And here is how the shirt turned out!

Very happy with it!

And the headband:

It didn't work as well, but that's OK

Sadly, the sprayed pink fabric paint did not match the pink in my tutu. I'd hoped it would when I picked the colors. That's OK, I'm not sure anyone knew who I was anyway.

And if I can find a picture of Katja and I in our outfites (she was Batman!), I will post it, but I can't seem to dig one up...

Last, but not least, I went on a journey with my friend, Jhenn, to move our friend, Amie, back home from Indiana. It was a lot of driving, cleaning, lifting, and other moving-associated work. The trip was successful! Everyone is home safe and sound!

I had a revelation, however. I have known that I am an introvert, but 6 days and 5 nights of never being along longer than it takes to shower or use the restroom was VERY harrowing for me. I love my friends and they were amazingly tolerant (and I really, really tried my best not to be cranky because it wasn't their fault! I hope I succeeded). The following day I literally did next to nothing and spoke to nearly no one (mostly just to my rats), just to gather myself up again. Now that I have had some time to myself, I feel so much better! Sorry, friends! I hope I wasn't horrible.

We did get one day with some fun: we visited a dairy and two wineries the first day we were out there, and that was enjoyable for us all! Delicious cheese and wine with friends! Who could ask for more?

Big Life Changes

Most of the people close to me know this already.

A couple of days ago, Isaac broke up with me.

I'm feeling very lost right now. Sometimes it doesn't quite feel real and sometimes I can't even imagine my life moving on.

So I cry a lot and sleep and eat very little.

Remember that condo we were buying? I have to move again. I can't just lose the love of my life, but my home, too. This has been very hard for me. And I didn't want to move for at least 5-10 more years. Now I will be back in the apartment renting cycle, which makes me feel like I am taking about 20 steps backwards. And doing this alone without Isaac's support sure doesn't help anything. I always felt like I do nearly anything as long as I had Isaac with me. But now the person who was my main support (emotionally, mentally, and occasionally financially) is gone and so is all sense of stability that I had in having our own home. And I, apparently, can't call this place "home" anymore. So I just tell people that I'm "going back." Which eats at me a bit because I feel like its still supposed to be home and like we're still supposed to be together.

I feel really stupid, generally. I always tried to be so independent and I think I broke several of my rules during the course of this relationship. But I never, not once, thought to question this. And I guess I should have.

Of course, about two weeks ago we had started planning our wedding. Just to rub some more salt in that wound. So yes, I was caught completely off-guard. We knew what the location was going to be, looked at venues and pricing. We made a rough guest list, picked colors and some decor ideas. I'm not sure what happened to the man who wanted to marry me and spend our lives together. But he was replaced with a man who loves me, but not enough to be with me. Which makes me feel like there must be some pretty serious things wrong with me. I always said that I wasn't meant to be in a relationship. I thought Isaac had proved me wrong. I guess I was right after all.

And I can't imagine ever finding someone else that I can love this much. Even after all of this, I love him more than I thought I could ever love someone. It breaks my heart time and time again. But I never really wanted a relationship, so maybe this is how my life is supposed to be. I always imagined living life by myself before Isaac came along. I also can't imagine finding someone who could love me that much with all the stupid crap that I do and say. I always found it so amazing that Isaac could love me and be attracted to me. I'd never felt that before.

Basically, I'm having a really, really hard time. I kind of wish time would just pass already so I won't feel like this anymore. I'm ready for the pain to stop and it's only been two days. I'm ready to be OK again. But I'm still stuck at that part where nothing is OK without Isaac in my life.Which sounds so co-dependent and annoying, but I can't help feeling and thinking that way. For me it felt so right that we were together and I was so happy. Damn life is cruel. Life gave me somebody that I could love so strongly that the thought of leaving never crossed my mind. Then Life let him stay with me long enough to feel so sure. And then Life made it so that he could not love me enough. That's just so unfair.

This is what I am attempting to deal with. While half-heartedly looking for a new place to live. Right now I am in our second bedroom. And while that feels less home-like, I still kind of like being here despite the close proximity. I keep thinking that if we both could get to a better place and heal quickly, this arrangement might work for a while. At least until I grow into the idea of finding a new place to live. Which I think I will want eventually anyway, just not right now.

And I know this was all one huge emotional rambling session. I apologize. Blogging may end up on the back-burner for a while, but I hope you'll all stick with me.

During this time, the only song I have wanted to listen to is this one: John Rzeznik "I'm Still Here." I'm not sure why, really. It's just what I want to hear all the time. Don't get in my car anytime soon, this just plays on loop. And as a result, I also watch Treasure Planet a lot. Someone explain this?

To add another facet to the problem, I am going to miss his family. I am actually quite attached to them and I always felt like we were family and Isaac and I would stay together, so of course they were my family. Luckily, I think some of them will keep in touch. His cousin, who is one of my favorite people, told me that I can't get rid of them that easily. That makes me feel a little better.

Despite feeling so sad and lost and crying all the time, I still don't have it in my heart to be angry. Sometimes I start to feel a little angry or bitter, but I still love him too much to hold it against him. It breaks my heart that he was unhappy and that I couldn't fix it. I wish I could have a second chance, but life doesn't always work that way. I can't make him love me more. I wish to heaven and hell that I could. But that's very selfish. I can't help thinking it though. I was so happy.

I am lucky enough to have lots of family and friends who are trying to help me out. I'm grateful. I think I will need all of the help I can get.

The Joys of Moving

I'm sure that you have noticed that my updates have been irregular and sometimes few and far between. This is because Isaac and I are in the process of moving to a new apartment. Here are some interesting things about moving:
-You have to pack all the stuff you won't need in the near future first. But you inevitably wish there were some things you left out.
-You always have way more stuff than you initially think.
-I like to have background noise, so here are the movies that I did not pack:

-Streaming Netflix (mostly episodes of Cheers) is another great way to drown out sounds of packing.
-I also had to keep some books available, so here are the books that I did not pack:

-Apartments look so much bigger without all the art and pictures and posters on the walls.
-Boys are odd about packing. Isaac has not packed yet because he informed me that he can pack and move all of "his stuff" in one day... In general I have a lot of stuff, and I certainly don't expect him to pack it all. However, if you want to get technical, all the dishes, silverware, glasses, mugs, almost all of the cookware, and (minus a couple pieces) all the furniture is mine. Interesting. I take that to mean that he no longer wants to use "my" stuff. Right? Not our stuff, no. I find his unwillingness to combine our things alternately amusing and frustrating. Plus, I have already packed some of his things so I am not sure why the courtesy is not two-ways. Anywho...
-Packing is stressful, hence some of my frustrations with Isaac and his with me. (He is very annoyed about how much stuff I have. And I really do have an insane amount of stuff, which I am trying to cut down with varying degrees of success.) My mom thinks it might be a miracle if we are still speaking by the time we get moved, haha! These issues have been since cleared up for the most part.
-It is easy to get distracted by watching the movies I set aside, reading, or playing Pokemon on my DS... which is something I don't do often otherwise.
-Just when you think you are making progress, you remember how much stuff you still have left to pack.

Memory, All Alone in the Moonlight, I Can Smile at the Old Days...

Recently my dad decided to move and sell the house. Unfortunately we are a whole family of pack rats so we have tons of things to go through. Between the basement, main level, and my bedroom, I have dug up tons of old things and memories. I am trying to be pretty ruthless in getting rid of all my (let's be honest) crap, but it has been tough. I am waaaay too sentimental for my own good.

The first day I was doing this, my mom and I worked namely in the basement. While we did get through all of my boxes down there, it's a scary place. Hence my protective equipment:

Yep, gloves! To protect me from spiders! (We didn't have another pair of gardening gloves, so snow gloves were the next best thing).

And look at some of the things I found in my boxes:

Pogs! Yep, that's right! I don't ever remember playing, but friends must have given me some.

VERY old clothes. Some of these things will be kept. I am determined to be a quilter one day, so the fabrics/memories will come in handy.

Lots of Polly Pockets which will hopefully make some other little kids happy soon.

And just because I can post them, here is the kitty (Faithful aka Fidge, Monster, Bug, etc.) and the doggie (Amber).

Once my dad sells the house, my brother or I get to adopt Amber. Luckily my mom will take the Fidge so they will go to good homes. My poor old doggie. She's about 13, has arthritis, and is just about deaf. Someone has to take her home, right? She's so sweet and loves everyone. And I would be happy to have a dog! At the moment I have a little hamster, but he's more than three years old (and if you don't know hamsters, three years is about the maximum lifespan). I've had him since he was born, his name is Pico, and I love him more than I love most people. I will be sad when he's gone, so Amber will be a great comfort for me. Just for fun, here is little Pico eating an apple!