Monday, February 8, 2016

Dealing With Loneliness

Lately, I have been struggling with loneliness.

I felt that I had actually been doing OK up until about Wednesday. Wednesday was my night off and I decided to go out for some coffee. By myself, which is not so unusual. But it suddenly hit me that I am nearly always alone.

I am a person who likes my alone time, which has helped me during the break up. But I don't like being alone all the time. I went out, realizing that I was going out alone. Again. And for some reason, I couldn't shake it. (It was also a bit on the late side for most of my friends on a weekday).

I no longer have a standing dinner date, lunch date, coffee date, drink date. My friends all are very busy people and I haven't seen them often lately, which I know doesn't help my mood and mentality.

A couple of nights later, it seemed like everyone I had contact with (that being my mom and my coworkers mostly) had a date night this weekend or a fun get together planned. And I was so heartbroken that I don't have anyone to plan a date with. No one will grab lunch with me or make dinner for me, just to be nice. And I felt so left out. I go out and it's always dinner for one. Just one beer, please.

I don't have anyone to tell the details about my day, like I used to. And I have been sick and mopey because there isn't anyone who wants to help take care of me. Maybe that's selfish. It's just hard because I used to have that.

No one to talk to when I get home, to cuddle up and watch a movie with. I miss being hugged and held and I miss feeling that kind of love.

So I suppose that "dealing" with loneliness is misleading, since I don't seem to be dealing well at all. And as always, when I am feeling upset, I have dreams about my ex and about the break up which always make things worse.

I also got un-invited to a Super Bowl gathering because I'm sick. I get it, but that was disheartening. I felt too sick and tired to deal with a large crowd, so I didn't end up going anywhere else, either.

I guess I've just been so down and sad these last several days. I seriously hope that it will pass soon. I still hate the sad days the most. I will be attempting to drown my sorrows in my books if anyone needs me.

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