Monday, September 3, 2012

Recent Goings-on and Thoughts on Marriage and Kids

Hey all. So sorry about the delay and gap between posts. Isaac and I just moved to a new place (and may move again soon, but that is not certain yet). There was about a week and a half without internet, which was not fun. But I am back and hoping to get some postings going again.

But onto my recent thoughts.

Lately I feel that all of my friends and acquaintances are engaged, recently married, or having babies. While I am very happy for all of them, it makes me think of these things, as well.

Isaac and I have been together for more than six years. That is longer than most of my friends have known their husbands. Despite the fact that Isaac and I are in a serious relationship and have made our commitments to each other, I feel that our relationship goes unrecognized because we are "boyfriend and girlfriend." I feel like there should be something in between the "boyfriend and girlfriend" stage and "married." Since we've been living together, we have a common law marriage, but that sounds funny. It's not something you tell people. "Are you married?" "Oh, yes, I have a common law marriage." ... Right? Haha.

I guess I've been thinking about this a lot because a lot of people have been asking me about us getting married lately. One of my old customers and friends asks me every time I see him if Isaac and I have set a date yet. Another old customer told me there was no way I should be single. Girls at work keep saying "You guys are going to get married, right?" (Some of that, I think, stems from religious upbringings which I do not personally subscribe to). We are at that age where all of our friends are getting married and having babies, so it is logical for us to do the same, right? Social expectations and all that. Which I also do not usually subscribe to. Except for the irony that society is causing me to think of such things.

Even when Isaac and I decided that we were in this together for the long haul, I still never really wanted to get married. When I was younger, I didn't want to get married (supposing I even found someone to share my life with, which I did not ever expect nor want back then). I did always want kids, despite how utterly awkward I am around them.

I am not sure where that leaves us. Isaac and I have decided that one day we will get married, but it doesn't seem to be a big priority, which I am alright with most days. Other days I want our relationship to have that recognition and then feel silly for wanting marriage for such a silly reason (but the only reason we seem to have, besides the fact that we really love one another). I definitely do not think that you need to be married to be in a committed relationship. And then I find myself filing away wedding ideas. I feel like something is wrong with me. And I blame society entirely. And I want there to be a label for the "I-am-in-a-serious-committed-relationship-but-am-not-married" people like me.

When the talk turns to children, I feel a little differently. As some of you know, Isaac's sister recently had a little girl (who I love to pieces in my awkward, incompetent way). Instead of drawing the pressure off of us, it seems to have increased it. Isaac's mom has mentioned us having children more often since then, and even my mom has. Isaac and I have thought about maybe one day having a kid, but we are just not ready. Not that we don't have more than enough time. Ugh. Oddly, I would like to be married before we have a kid. Why? No real reason. I usually think of marriage as a sort of security blanket if you are having kids because it holds a man more responsible. It is easier to get child support from an ex-husband than an ex-boyfriend (and I do know of guys who knocked up a girl and took off. Without paternity tests and court, it is awful hard to hold "this guy I was with once" accountable). I definitely do not need to worry about such things with Isaac, don't get me wrong.

These thoughts have just been rolling around in my head. Thanks for reading my nonsense.


  1. The Brits have a way around that whole "boyfriend-girlfriend" thing, given that, from an informal survey of my friends here, they tend to get married later/stay in committed non-married relationships. They refer to their significant others as their partners-- and while I know that has a bit of a different connotation in the states, I think it's a good idea! I think if everyone uses it, it can go a long way towards making all relationships--gay, straight, married, committed--seem more equal. But that's just my two (single) cents.

  2. Hmm, I think I could try on that label. :) Thanks. That one didn't cross my mind, actually.