May and June 2025 Wrap Up

Sorry this post is late. That happens more often than I would like, but I have been really behind in pretty much all aspects of life, I think. Better late than never.

I am pretty sure some things happened in May, but I honestly am not remembering much off the top of my head. Kevin went out of town for several days so it was just me and Gabriel. That is a bit challenging, but it was good and I guess not too far out of the ordinary.

June was fun because I got to go to Disneyland with a couple of my girlfriends for a few days and then briefly visit some friends and family in Colorado. We had so much fun in Disneyland and got to be there for some of the 70th anniversary celebrations. It was nice to have a break from work and parenting, though I missed Gabriel. And I look forward to being able to bring him to Disney one day. And I think seeing friends and family in Colorado was sort of a nice re-set before going back to normal life.

Work is still work. It has been so much better since my previous supervisor has been gone. Not always great, but it generally feels so much better than it used to. And I am getting geared up for a very big project. If my next post is delayed, it will be for that reason. I will be working a ton and may not get many days off. It ends at the end of September/beginning of October so hopefully things will be back to normal by then.

Gabriel keeps growing and learning. I love seeing him learn new words (spoken or sign) and start using them. He's usually pretty happy, but impatient and demanding. He doesn't communicate well when he gets upset, which makes resolving things difficult. And he can be so funny and silly. I have been trying to get him to say his own name, but the best I get is "'Biel," which is super cute.

That's probably most of my general life news. I read more books than I thought in May and June (which will help with my goals because work stress has already caught me just re-reading favorites). Here are some short reviews.

 

Grip of the Shadow Plague, Secrets of the Dragon Sanctuary, 

and Keys to the Demon Prison

by Brandon Mull

Narrator: E. B. Stevens

Re-reads

Overall Rating: 5 stars out of 5 

 

How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids 

by Jancee Dunn

Narrator: Jancee Dunn

Re-read

Rating: 5 stars out of 5 

 

How to Win Friends and Influence People

by Dale Carnegie 

Narrator: 

Synopsis/Thoughts: So this book was recommended to me by my counselor when we were discussing my PTSD-like response to going to talk to my new supervisor. She recommended it for strategies on connecting with her (and anyone, really). It is pretty straight forward and makes sense. It was an interesting read if this is your thing. Some of it has definitely stuck with me and I try to keep it in mind at least some of the time.

Rating: 4 stars out of 5

 

 

I Must Say: My Life as a Humble Comedy Legend

by Martin Short

Narrator: Martin Short
 Synopsis/Thoughts: As expected, this book is about the life and career of Martin Short. I know of him, of course, but haven't actually seen a ton of his work. But for some reason I just wanted to read this. And I really enjoyed it and enjoyed learning about him. He isn't always my flavor of comedy, but his life and stories and perspective were so interesting. And maybe I should try watching more of his stuff?

Rating: 4 stars out of 5

 

 

Our Infinite Fates

by Laura Steven

Narrator: Sofia Oxenham

Synopsis/Thoughts: This was a recent Owlcrate book that I read in the Owlcrate Nest Read-a-long. I did a mix of listening to the audiobook and reading the Owlcrate edition. This is the story of two souls that have lived a thousand lives and loved each other a thousand times But they have each killed the other throughout their lifetimes before they reach the age of 18. In her current life, Evelyn is determined to live long enough to save her sister, which means finding Arden and convincing him to help her unravel the mystery of their past. This was an interesting story and I liked seeing their various lives and incarnations together. The final confrontation struck me as a bit odd and I am not sure why. Maybe it just felt rushed or like I wasn't sure where it was all coming from. But I enjoyed the story overall and liked the very end.

Rating: 4 stars out of 5

 

Shades of Grey: The Road to High Saffron

by Jasper Fforde

Narrator: John Lee

Synopsis/Thoughts: This was actually a re-read, but it is from a long time ago. Real quick, this is a unique and interesting dystopian story. Eddie Russet is. a Red, meaning that he can only see his own color unless something is artificially colorized. And that is how society is broken up (I still love the tongue-in-cheek moment where he admits that this doesn't really make sense). The greys are the lowest class as they are unable to see any color. The Reds are the lowest in the colors with the Violets at the top. Eddie has the potential to make a profitable marriage into a Violet family that needs more Red. But then he falls in love with a Grey who is trying to overturn the world as they know it. I loved this book. It is so strange and occasionally funny. Definitely a good read. I wanted to re-read it before I dove into the next book.

Rating: 4.5 stars out of 5

 

Red Side Story

by Jasper Fforde

Narrator: Christopher Harper

Synopsis/Thoughts: Eddie and Jane continue their quest to learn more about the world (is there a world outside their boarders?) and go against the rules in their Chromatic society. The more they learn, the more dangerous they become and the more they put themselves and their loved ones at risk. I don't want to spoil anything. The end definitely surprised me, but I really liked it. There were some things left unanswered and I wouldn't mind getting back into this world again (though I don't think Jasper Fforde intends to write any more). I really enjoyed these books. If you like strange, generally dystopian stories that are occasionally creepy and funny, I definitely recommend them.
Rating: 4.5 stars out of 5

 

Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come

by Jessica Pan

Narrator: Jessica Pan 

Synopsis/Thoughts: The title of this book made me laugh and that is why I bought this book to begin with. A confirmed introvert, Jessica talks about various things in her life that lead to her deciding to live as an extrovert for a year. From intimidating exercises to use in public to connect with strangers, to performing stand up comedy, and hosting parties, we follow her journey. I LOVED this book. As an introvert myself, I am stunned by her courage and dedication. But it was also so interesting. I 100% recommend this book to just about anyone. I already want to read it again.

Rating: 5 stars out of 5 

 

Dear Cisgender People: A Guide to Trans Allyship and Empathy

by Kenny Ethan Jones

Narrator: Kenny Ethan Jones

Synopsis/Thoughts: Kenny Ethan Jones uses his own life and experiences to educate people about the transgender life experience. He highlights the parts that are the best and also the parts that are the most challenging. And the hope is that as people understand better, they will become allies. I am already an ally, but can always learn more. This was very informative and it was great that he was so willing to open up about his own life and experiences to educate others. Definitely worth a read for anyone, really.

Rating: 4.5 stars out of 5

 

 

Waiting for the Flood

by Alexis Hall

Narrator: Will Watt

Synopsis/Thoughts: After ten years, Edwin's love (Marius) leaves him. Edwin thought it was a forever kind of love. But after a couple of years living alone in the house they bought together, maybe it is time to mix things up. Enter Adam who comes to the rescue when Edwin's neighborhood floods. This story was very sweet. It also had some chapters at the end with Marius' story (which I enjoyed less, but I think Marius just isn't my type of person--I found Edwin to be very sweet and endearing and was more invested in his story).

Rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

 

Stay Gold

by Tobly McSmith

Re-read. I love this one.

Rating: 5 stars out of 5

 

Becoming Ted

by Matt Cain

Narrator: Samuel Barnett

Synopsis/Thoughts: Ted is forty-three and recently separated from his charismatic husband, Giles, who left to be with another man. Ted feels that he and his life are wholly unremarkable and he has spent so much of his time an energy living his life for Giles. Now that Giles is gone, he has a chance to change his life. Slowly, he starts to find another version of himself that is sassy and strong and confident. This was a lovely story. I really enjoyed it.

Rating: 4 stars out of 5

 

Fable for the End of the World

by Ava Reid

Narrators: Gail Shalan and Emily Lawrence

Synopsis/Thoughts: This was a recent Owlcrate book that I read as part of the Owlcrate Nest Read-a-long. I flipped between listening to the audiobook and reading the Owlcrate edition. In this dystopian society, Caerus controls this part of the world. Inesa lives in the out-lands with her brother and unbalanced mother. Her unbalanced mother who wracked up so much debt that she must enroll one of her children into the Gauntlet--a live-streamed assassination. As the new Lamb, Inesa and her brother try to run. Meanwhile Melinoë has been assigned as this Gauntlet's Angel. Her job: to hunt and kill the Lamb in the allotted time. When they end up in the wasteland where Caerus's cameras dare not go, they find that maybe life can be different for them both. I generally like dystopian stories and I did like this one. It felt a lot like the world now, with the technology and such. I don't know if that makes it better or worse!

Rating: 4 stars out of 5 

 
 

 

Silverborn: The Mystery of Morrigan Crow

by Jessica Townsend

Narrator: Gemma Whelan

Synopsis/Thoughts: Morrigan's life is about to be turned upside-down when she learns that her mother's family is from the Silver District. And they want Morrigan to join the family. When the groom is found dead at her aunt's wedding reception, Morrigan and her friends become tangled up in finding out who the murderer is. Meanwhile, her apprenticeship to Ezra Skrall has begun and she is still hiding it from Jupiter. I adore these books and I absolutely loved this one. I can't wait to read more!

Rating: 5 stars out of 5 

Favorite book read in May and June: Stay Gold is an old favorite. Besides that, I would say either Silverborn or Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come.

Least favorite book read in May and June:  None, honestly. Lots of good books.

I will do my best to keep up as I can the next couple of months. Thanks for sticking with me!

Let Me Skip Mother's Day

Often times I feel like I am barely getting by. Being a mom is hard and its exhausting. I am constantly doing dishes and planning meals and preparing bottles in between all the other things that need to get done. Oh, and taking care of my toddler.

A minor disagreement this morning upset me a ton. I think I had been feeling OK lately. I felt like I was doing OK, managing, keeping up. And then my husband made a comment that made me plummet. Which I'm sure was not his intention nor would he think I would have reacted so strongly. I was on my way out the door to work, so I didn't say anything about it and just left. And then I got in my car and couldn't focus. I couldn't even drown out my thoughts with music or audiobooks. And then I found myself alternately internally conversing with myself and crying all the way to work. Where I then sat in the parking lot and sobbed for a few minutes.

And I realized that I never feel good. I never feel like I am succeeding or winning. I waver back and forth between "barely getting by" and "doing OK." Some days or weeks are a nightmare and some days and weeks are manageable. But I am always exhausted and for some reason I have this thing in my head where I think that if I can just get a little bit more done or a little more ahead, I can rest. The thing is, there IS no "getting ahead." The work and mental strain is constant and I am probably just making it worse on myself by adding this pressure that "if I just get a little more done maybe later..." And some days/weeks, that depresses me and I can hardly bear it and I waver into "barely getting by" territory. But even when I am in the "doing OK," I still see times when I am too tired to do more. Sometimes I just need things to be easy.

And getting much time to myself is a bit of a joke. I can only write this because Gabriel's daycare has a parent's night out once a month where they watch kids in the evening and feed them so their parents can go do something. Or in my case, come home and clean the rat cage and vacuum, fail at taking a short nap, and write this instead.

I actually thought I was doing OK. There were a couple things I did recently that I felt like, "This helps, it is easier and sometimes this is just how it is and that's fine." Except I don't know that my husband sees it that way. And his comment threw me into realizing that it is never enough. There is always more I should be doing (even though I don't always have the capacity). And realistically I know I can't do it all so I have to let some things go. But that made me feel that I also will never be enough. 

Do other moms feel this way? I realize it isn't totally logical, but it is how I feel.

So when my best/best-for-now isn't enough, what do I do with that? 

And that is why I am dreading Mother's Day. Not for mothers in general. Just for me. I'm really struggling right now and I am not up for celebrations. All I really want is a break and rest and sleep and then I feel guilty for it.

Anyway, I am not trying to get sympathy or pity or looking for someone to fix it. And I love Gabriel more than anything and wouldn't trade him for the world. But I would like to know what some of you other moms think and do. How do you get by? What do you do when your best-for-now isn't enough? 

But I think I will skip Mother's Day this year. Right now all I feel like it is doing is showing how much of a mother I am not. Right now all I am seeing are my shortcomings. Maybe next month.

March and April 2025 Wrap Up

And welcome back!

I don't even remember what has been happening the last two months. Work has been OK. A bit busy but not bad and generally better than it had been for a long time.

Parenting continues to be challenging and also wonderful. Gabriel is walking pretty well now and using some words. But man, parenting life is hard. Good thing he is the cutest baby around!

The new apartment is pretty great. It is so much nicer and in a better part of town. We go for walks a lot (Gabriel LOVES being outside). We are fairly settled in and I am trying to keep up with chores a bit better than I was at our last place. Just to try to keep it feeling nice and homey.

I read a lot of books in the past two months. I will try to keep my reviews brief.

Rebel Witch by Kristen Ciccarelli

Narrator: Grace Gray

Synopsis/Thoughts: This is the sequel to Heartless Hunter, which I read last year and loved. Rune is now under obligation to serve Cressida Roseblood, a cruel witch and former member of the ruling family. Gideon wants both of them to fall, but his feelings for Rune have put him in a precarious position. Witch sympathizers can be sentenced to death. When Cressida hatches a plan to raise her two sisters from the dead, Rune cuts her losses and runs. She and Gideon team up and try to find the lesser of two evils: a world where witches rule (cruel or not) as they once did, or a world where witches are hunted and killed. I have to admit that, while I did like this book, I didn't love it as much as Heartless Hunter. I thought the first one was so clever. This one definitely had fantastic moments, I just think that it wasn't as good as the first.

3.5 stars out of 5 stars 

 

Where the Library Hides

by Isabel Ibanez

Synopsis/Thoughts: This is the sequel to What the River Knows, which I read last year and really enjoyed. Inez is reeling from the murder of her favorite cousin and her uncle is determined to send her home. The only thing she can think of to secure her future and inheritance is to get married and quickly. Whitford is in a different position, but would benefit from the same arrangement. At first everything seems fine, aside from her uncle's rage. Until Whit makes off with her inheritance. Despite that, they have to band together to bring down Inez's mother. I felt that this book held up to the first one. I enjoyed it and despite the bad things, I generally love Inez and Whit's relationship.

4 stars out of 5 stars

10 Things That Never Happened

by Alexis Hall

Narrator: Will M. Watt

Re-read. I've read this book a lot. I don't want to talk about it.

5 stars out of 5 stars 

 

Nevermoor, Wundersmith, and Hollopox

by Jessica Townsend

Narrator: Gemma Whalen

Re-reads

Overall 5 stars out of 5 stars

The Scorpion Queen

by Mina Fears

Synopsis/Thoughts: This was a recent Owlcrate book and I participated in the read-a-long on their app. Aminata has been disinherited by her family and placed in service to Princess Mariama. The princess's father has created a series of trials that no man can conquer in order to claim the princess's hand in marriage. When Aminata's former fiance and love becomes the next candidate, she and Mariama hatch a plan to make sure he survives. Meanwhile, Aminata is planning to run away with the boy she loves and start a new life together. This book was pretty good, but some parts struck me as very odd. I think it was a decent read, but I didn't love it. I don't think I will read the next book when it comes out.

3 stars out of 5 stars

Illusionary by Zoraida Cordova 

Narrator: Frankie Corzo

Synopsis/Thoughts: I loved Incendiary so I had to read the second book. Renata and Prince Castian have teamed up to find a way to kill King Fernando by finding and using the Knife of Memory. On their way, they encounter friends and foes alike, and people who will challenge the way they think and feel. Especially as they seem to find themselves alone in their goals. I don't know if I loved this one quite as much as the first book, but almost. I adore so many of the characters and I was delighted to see Leo again. I really liked the way the characters developed and even changed a bit in this book. I love Ren and Castian. I just really enjoyed these books much more than I expected to.

4.5 stars out of 5 stars

 

The Pandava Series

by Roshani Chokshi

Narrator: Soneela Nankani 

Re-reads

4 to 4.5 stars out of 5 stars

 

 

 

Frontier Magic Trilogy

by Patricia Wrede

Narrator: Amanda Ronconi

Re-reads

4.5 stars out of 5 stars
 

These Violent Delights

by Chloe Gong

Synopsis/Thoughts: This was an old Owlcrate book that I was trying to knock off my list. It is generally a Romeo and Juliet retelling that takes place in 1920s Shanghai. Juliette Cai is the heir to the infamous Scarlet Gang, one of the ruling gangs in Shanghai. Opposite her is Roma Montagov, prospective heir to the White Flower gang that has gained a lot of power in Shanghai. Juliette and Roma were former friends and even fell in love. But when they were found out, their families forced them apart. But with the rise of communism and a mysterious disease that causes madness and suicide taking over Shanghai, the two team up to get to the bottom of it. I will say that I think I enjoyed this more than I thought I would, but a couple of things seriously grossed me out. I don't know that I will read the second one because of that. But there are a few characters that I really really liked and want to see how they end up (namely the people that are closest to Juliette and Roma). So I may read the next one just for that. I think I need to know what happens to Mars and Ben...

3 stars out of 5 stars 

The Golden Raven

by Nora Sakavic

Synopsis/Thoughts: The adventures of Jean and Jeremy continue! It was nice to see Jean healing and we finally got more of Jeremy's backstory. And we finally got some Exy and watch Jean adapt to the USC way of playing. Overall a nice read. I feel like there wasn't a strong plot, but I just enjoyed it.

4 stars out of 5 stars

 

 

Cursed Boys and Broken Hearts

by Adam Sass 

Narrator: Torian Brackett and Adam Sass

Synopsis/Thoughts: Grant is sure that he was cursed to never have a relationship by the wishing rose at his family's vineyard at 13 years old. Now grown up, he returns to the vineyard to help his aunt try to save it. While he is there, he reconnects with Ben, his former crush and best friend. Turns out that maybe Ben was also cursed to not be able to maintain a relationship. But as they work together to save the vineyard, maybe they will find they aren't so cursed after all. This was a nice little story. It was sweet and occasionally funny. I enjoyed Grant's family, especially Aunt Rose.

3 stars out of 5 stars

 

 

The Beasts We Bury

by D.L. Taylor

Synopsis/Thoughts: This was a recent Owlcrate book and I participated in the read-a-long on the app. Mancella is her father's prospective heir, set to rule their realm. Only people with magic can rule and Mancella's particular gift is one her father has been fostering for many years. He will stop at nothing and push her limits to get what he wants, even if it isn't what Mancella wants. Silver is a commoner who was hired to infiltrate the palace and ends up befriending Mancella. This book started rough. I cried within the first couple of chapters and there were some hard things that made me not sure I wanted to keep reading. But it was a good story and I really liked Silver and Mance together. I am not sure if I will read the next book or not, but I am leaning towards yes.

4 stars out of 5 stars 

 

 

Fablehaven and Rise of the Evening Star by

Brandon Mull

Narrator: E.B. Stevens

Re-reads

5 stars out of 5 stars

Favorite book read in March and April: Probably either Illusionary or the Golden Raven (not counting re-reads)

Least favorite book read in March and April: The Scorpion Queen

I have now read 33 books towards my goal of 75 books for the year, putting me ahead of schedule. And I managed to read a few Owlcrate books, too!